My Birthday Blog for Cleo…

It’s been a while since I sat down to write a birthday blog.  Last year I had a small afternoon birthday party: taco bar, cupcakes, and sunshine.  I had a house filled with most of my friends – over 20 people showed up- people flew in or drove. I lived in the Berkeley Hills and I had a view that was simply breath-taking. I got three flower deliveries including one edible basket.  That simple party was one of the best birthdays of my life, I was shocked at how many people not only showed up, but sent gifts if they couldn’t come. I realized how many people loved me last year, and it was a nice to be reminded.

When I took a break from writing in 2013-14, I told myself it was because my business took off and I simply didn’t have the time.  The truth is when my business got busy, my whole life changed. Clients became more important than anything else.  I had a lot of adventures with my clients, but very different ones. It was exhilarating for me to excel in business and to watch it grow. I realized if I did it right, this job I’d created for myself was something I could be happy doing for the rest of my life.  My clients challenge me and they also teach me to value myself, because if they are assholes I fire them.  It’s a powerful feeling, to know that you are not owned by anyone.

I never really thought I had it in me to have a business that could not only sustain itself and me, but then continue to grow.  As a paralegal/personal assistant, you take a walk into people’s lives just like you do when you interview someone.  People fascinate me, and I have learned more in the last year from my clients than I have in a long time.  I love my job; it allows me freedom and it puts my brain to work.  I am a problem-solver; there is nothing more satisfying to me than fixing problems.  I get off on it in a way I never imagined; at times, in some ways what I do is better than sex.

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September, October, and November 2015 pushed me to the limit.  I had an incredibly exhausting relationship- emotionally, mentally, and physically. I had spent so much time dealing with my clients and everyone else, I stopped taking care of myself.  In December I stopped, took a step back, and learned how to be Vanessa again.  I went on vacation to a place where I meet special friends each year.  From the second I got on that plane, I was free – I decided this was my time.  Vacation was a blast, I had more fun than I’d had in years because I didn’t have to do a goddamn thing for anyone.

What most of you don’t know about me is that for eleven and a half years I had a calico named Cleo, short for Cleopatra. Cleo was a rescue; I went to a shelter in San Luis Obispo (I’ve rescued all my pets).  I went into the part of the shelter where the older cats were, because much like adopting children, everyone wants a baby. As I walked through the kennels I felt a paw tap me on the shoulder; I turned to my right and that was the first time I saw Cleo.  I asked the attendant to take her out of the cage.  As soon as they handed her to me, she put her face in the crook of my arm and started purring.  Cleo chose me; I loved her from that very second and never stopped.

Cleo was my partner: she moved with me; she kept me company; she was there for every good and bad thing that happened in my life.  All of my friends, lovers, and clients knew Cleo- the kitty who ruled with an iron paw.  Every party I had she was a part of, she let people pet her and was never skittish; Cleo loved attention.  When people came to the house, she assumed they came to see her. Cleo was the best part of my day.

On March 7th this year, close to 5am, Cleo woke me.  At first I thought she was playing but I realized very quickly something was very wrong with my sweet kitty cat.  When I picked her up to place her on the bed, her back legs gave out. Her front paws worked fine but she rolled like a rolley-polley because she could not use her back legs at all.  I saw the panic in her eyes, and her breathing was labored. Thank god, her vet was open 24 hours and I took her in immediately.  They rushed Cleo downstairs and the nurse walked me into an exam room.  The vet came in and when I looked at her, I knew she was going to tell me something I was not prepared for.  She said “I’m really sorry but I don’t have good news.”

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Cleo had a heart condition. Ironically, she had been to the vet three months prior for a checkup.  The vet said she was in great shape, and with her type of heart condition it would go one of two ways.  One, little blood clots will shoot out and they put her on medication.  Worst case scenario, a huge clot would form, paralyzing her back legs and sending her into heart failure, which would kill her.  And here it was; as soon as this vet started explaining, I realized Cleo had the worst case scenario. I had to put Cleo down. There was nothing they could do to save her.

Then the vet said “You know this happens a lot to cats; it’s something that’s common. But what’s odd is that most cats are screaming in pain and she’s not.  She’s clearly in pain but she’s meowing; that is one tough kitty cat you have there.  She is still purring when I examine her.”  That’s my Cleo. Much like her momma she is always a lady, and a lady knows how to exit.  The vet said due to Cleo’s condition, I could not sit with her when they put her down.  But since she was doing so well in the moment, they were going to shoot her up with morphine so I could go say good bye.

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After they gave her the morphine they came and got me; I walked into this very cold, sterile environment. I saw my Cleo laying there looking like she always did- she looked high as a kite and exceptionally happy- but she didn’t look like she was about to die.  They left us alone and we had a talk.  I petted her and she purred and I thanked her for picking me to be her person.  Cleo picked me to give her a life and she picked me to help her leave this world.  I told her I was sorry it had to go like this and I kissed her. I told her to say hi to Dad, and I would see them both on the other side.  When I came home, I felt like I was on drugs but I was completely sober.

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People always say I live in a big house and I never thought it was that big.  But after Cleo died this house seemed huge because all the love that lived in it was gone. The first week was the hardest; I never realized how much space, energy, and love that little kitty gave me.  I didn’t rescue Cleo that day at the animal shelter, she rescued me.  No matter what happened in my life, no matter how bad or sad, there she was.  It’s been very hard to adjust; sometimes I think I hear her, or I forget she’s not here.  My birthday is today, March 28th; I was going to have a big party on the 26th, but I cancelled the party the day she died. I can’t celebrate without her right now.

Death, whether it’s a person or an animal, really fucks with you. Death, brings change, whether we like it or not. Death is the big question mark- what happens when we die?  It forces us to look at our lives and re-evaluate what is really important and what isn’t. I used to say “I know what I don’t want, but I have no idea, what I actually want.”  Cleo’s death forced me to take a hard look and figure out what I really want for myself.  I did a lot of soul searching, and for the first time in my life, I know what it is.  I’m not going to be sharing that, because it’s also my birthday wish.  So, I will keep this to myself for a while.

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I have had an extraordinary life. I had an amazing father who shaped me into the woman I am today.  I came to San Francisco to be a lawyer and somehow I ended up a writer and a business owner. Being a writer is not easy; usually you have to try and try again.  I didn’t have to try very hard to get noticed; I was very lucky. For some reason, people liked reading my work and they still do.  I have worked in the amazing world of adult entertainment, seen and done things most people only get to watch on the internet. I have traveled; I have loved and been loved.  I have a wonderful family- some blood, and the rest a family of my own choosing. I have been blessed to have a variety of friends, and they make my life very interesting.

And I had a cat, a cat that loved me so much. I realize she was why I never felt alone.  Animals love you so purely and unconditionally; they bring us joy, company, and a friend for life. While I process all of this, I wonder what life will bring next and I look forward to a change.  After canceling my birthday, I had a lot of very kind friends offer to take me to dinner or to do something.

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The truth is, I have no desire to celebrate my birthday this year.  Instead, I am taking the day off; I will be headed to the nail shop and then to my happy place- a 14,000 square foot spa, where everything is perfect and just for me. I just want a quiet day, so I am choosing to have a day of self-care and reflection.

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It’s never too late to do something different, no matter how old you are.  Life is what we make of it, and I’m not done yet.  Do something you never thought you would do; you will be amazed what you are capable of when you realize that, even as adults, we can be better, happier people.

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Don’t worry, I will be back to writing my sexy blogs again. But sometimes life isn’t sexy, and this is one of those times.  I have a fantastic Craigslist casual encounters story, with this couple…oh man, it’s a good one, talk about a freak show.  I will write it when I am in that place again. For all of you that are pet owners, kiss your sweet perfect beasts for me. I’d give anything to snuggle Cleo again.  Until next time folks.

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The Trouble With Lovers…

Finding a new lover is some tricky business if you want a good one, especially if your lifestyle is anything like mine. I have this new lover… and that’s a big step for me. A lot of respect is involved and needed for a relationship of this nature; it’s a balancing act.  A lover is someone you make time for; they are not your partner but they’re significant-  someone who you know has sex with others and who knows you do as well.  Jealousy is not an issue. You can play together or apart; at the core of the relationship is a foundation of mutual respect and friendship. Casual sex, sex clubs, shit like that, easy peasy.  I don’t do throw-aways anymore; I need to like you as a person to fuck you on the regular.  Life is busy and I can always make more money, but I can never make more time so I’m actually really picky, about who I spend it with.

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For years my go-tos were married men who were in open relationships, where I fucked one or both people in the couple.  That’s the part I loved about couples, there was no muss or fuss as long as the couple was healthy.  So when I find myself taking on a new lover who is single and not ‘in the scene,’ it’s definitely a risk.  Fucking me is like a fucking carnival ride: you must be this tall and this experienced to ride this ride.  I need to know you are worth my fucking time or it’s just a waste of my pussy.  A new lover has to meet the following criteria: they need to know how to fuck me and we need to have chemistry, in and out of the bedroom. And this person always needs to treat me with respect, regardless of what we have done to one another. Currently I have three lovers, two I have had for years and a new one who is still in his probationary period.

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We will call my new lover Luke. Luke, has pursued me for a year.  He was one of those men who somehow knew at first sight exactly the kind of girl I was in bed.  Luke and I met under very normal circumstances; he knew nothing about my personal life.  He very rarely, if ever, saw me wearing makeup. I was usually in yoga pants and a tank top with my hair up.

Luke’s pursuit of me was pretty funny.  First he tried by letting me know how hot I was.  I told him to mind his manners because he went a little far with the compliment.  Then he let me know he and his girlfriend love to have threesomes.  I told him firmly that he really needed to stop being inappropriate and to knock it off.  But secretly I kept thinking, how does this guy know me so well?  I am a total slut; I do love having threesomes; but how the fuck does he know that? So I got really indignant with him and was like- listen, you need to just get over it.  But after I broke up with my boyfriend, Luke and I kept being thrown together.

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Curiosity always kills the cat, so when I was finally curious enough I invited over to my house so I could inspect him.  Half way through his first time in my home, he asked “Why did you ask me here?”

“To talk” I replied.

“Why did you really ask me over here tonight?” he asks again.

“To talk” I repeat.

“So, we are not going to have sex?”

“No, I didn’t call you over here, to fuck you,” I said. “Sorry, I thought, I made it clear I wanted to talk.”

He smiled, drank more wine out of his glass, and we continued to talk.

I still hadn’t decided if I even wanted to fuck him.  I asked him if he knew about my sex blog.  He laughed, and said “I had no idea, you blogged.  I just knew you looked like a really good time.”  I told him a lot about myself, basically to scare him away. I told him I don’t do monogamy and I have no interest in having a boyfriend.  He just ended a two-year relationship, due to his partner’s jealousy, and said he wasn’t looking for another girlfriend anytime soon.

Here’s the thing- when someone wants to fuck you, they will tell you whatever you want to hear; it doesn’t mean that any of it is true.  I was still vetting Luke and I wasn’t ready to fuck him yet because I wasn’t sure if he was just blowing smoke up my ass.  After New Year’s Eve, I found out Luke was leaving the country for six weeks.  So the next time he came over I decided I was going to fuck him.

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The first time you have sex is always the most awkward, except for those rare times that from the second it starts, it’s hot and intense.  Luke was the latter. The sex was unbelievable, which was shocking.  It was in my top five and that is saying something.  I never expected to fuck him, much less have it be that good.  We both stared at each other after, thinking- did that just happen? I could barely talk, and that’s my marker for how I know sex is good. I’m sore, my mind is a blank and I can barely speak.

Luke leaves on his trip and life goes back to normal.  Luke starts messaging me while out of the country and I’m like, uh oh.

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This is how I began to recognize that he is a ‘civilian;’ he wasn’t separating the sex.  ‘Civilians’ are most people running around in the world. They believe in monogamy, or just say they do and lie and cheat on their spouse.  They don’t usually have lovers, they have relationships.  These are the people who maybe could have a threesome, but sex clubs and orgies make them uncomfortable. Civilians tend to watch a lot of porn, to watch things they would probably not participate in, but secretly want to.  Civilians are people who aren’t comfortable with the sex they really want to have, so they repress it. They don’t understand that sex and love are two very different things.

Luke is experienced sexually and he met some of my “lover criteria” … but more and more I can feel in my gut, emotionally he’s a civilian.  He had probably never fucked a woman like me before. By this I mean a woman who isn’t looking for more than sex.  It can be hard to separate sex from love. But when you do separate those two things, it doesn’t mean sex has to be impersonal, it just means there are no expectations of love or a partner-type relationship.

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When Luke’s messages from out of the country started to get romantic, I wondered, is he trying to change the rules of the game?

Next thing I know, he cut his trip short and came home Super Bowl weekend.  We ended up having a passionate romp around 3am Super Bowl Sunday.  When he got to my house, I was wearing barely anything, and we were passionately making out.  I could feel him slide his tongue down my neck and then- he bit the shit out of my neck!  While I enjoyed the sensation, I knew it was going to leave a mark.  Boy, did it leave a fucking mark- it was like Gorbachev’s fucking birth mark, except on my neck. We had a talk about it afterwards and he got pissy with me; then he didn’t talk to me for two days.  Really?  You’ve fucked me twice and this is where we are? Really?

 

I thought more about the civilian thing, replaying the first night we had sex in my head. I remembered when I was sucking his dick, Luke kept asking me, “How are you able to suck my dick like that and get it all the way down your throat?” There are two answers to that question, the truth, and what I tell civilian men.

My response to Luke: “I love to suck cock and I especially like sucking your beautiful cock.”

The truth:  I used to choke and gag on dick all the time.  No matter how much I liked giving head, there was always a point where I just couldn’t deep-throat it without wanting to vomit.  One day, I got a great teacher and all that changed:

Over my years of writing about porn, I struck up a friendship with now-retired porn star Mark Davis.  Many of the porn actresses I interviewed called Mark the “Gentleman of Porn.” In the fall of 2012, Mark and I had a few weeks of fun in my little apartment on Post and Leavenworth in San Francisco.  I remember my time with him like it was yesterday. We were in my tiny kitchen and Mark told me to get on my knees.  He walked me through how to relax my throat. Mark told me that once my throat relaxed and he was face fucking me, my eyes would tear up and I would cry, but if I breathed enough and relaxed, my gag reflex would go away.

He asked me if I trusted him and I said yes, because I did.  I let Mark Davis do things I don’t allow many men to do, including choking me hard and picking me up me by my hair. I allowed him to top me, to tell me what to do and when to do it while we were fucking.  I like rough sex, but you have to trust the person who is topping you and I trusted Mark completely.  That man threw me around like a rag doll, but never once did he ever hurt me in a way I didn’t like. Mark knew how to be brutal and gentle all at once.  He left marks on me, but in places no one could see.  That’s a civilian mistake- leaving a visible mark.

I still talk to Mark; we are still friends.  Mark is retired, happily married, and still the consummate gentleman. I love him to pieces.

I realize that most women don’t have the good fortune of learning how to deep-throat like I did, so telling this story I run the risk of bruising a civilian’s ego.  It’s hard to be sexually honest with a new man, because I find out very quickly if we are on the same page. Men feel like they need to compete with me if they are civilians, because they have not done many of the things I have.  I’m not normal- I’m San Francisco’s Sluttiest Blogger. Not every person can keep up with me.  A lot of my lovers are men I have met along the way, in ‘the scene,’ so those men have done many of the things I have done.  They don’t get weird or jealous because it doesn’t make them feel insecure. Those men I can joke around with, compare stories, and laugh our asses off during the process.

One of my favorite lovers, we will call him Paul, I’ve known for six years and fucked for three of those years. Paul was married, but he and his wife were open.  Paul is not a civilian; he gets more ass than a toilet seat, which is one of the things I like best about him.  We can always exchange war stories and never has he gotten jealous.  Sex isn’t our only connection; we go to lunch, sometimes we just hang out, laugh and tell war stories.  This is someone I can talk to about everything, including my personal life.

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Paul and I hung out the other night; we talked about his divorce and my ex.  We also talked about all the weird kinky shit we have tried, in a sort of one-upmanship contest. He told me about group sex he was part of which involved him wearing a ski mask…so of course we planned our next tryst to involve ski masks.  And this is my point:  I’m not sure if I could talk to Luke the way I talk to Paul.  Something tells me that if I told Luke, hey I’m having a threesome with one of my lovers involving ski masks and lingerie, he may not be super high fivish.  We’ll see how he does.

There is a way to have sex, romance, and friendship without it having to be more than that.  Finding a great lover is like finding a fantastic dance partner; you both move well together, you know who is leading, and you know when to invite someone else to dance with you or when to let someone cut in.  I will keep you posted on how long this particular dance lasts.

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Is That All There Is………

In real life, I am an exceptionally private person and there are very few people who know much about me; I recently ended a two-year relationship, which I kept under my hat. I haven’t written a blog about myself in a while…. but never say never. This blog allows me to share the absurdity of my life, mainly my sex life.  So, after much ado, here is my out-of-retirement blog.

We will call this person David.  David and I have known each other for 5 years, to be exact.  We knew each other through many adult shows, since we were both in the business of peddling smut for a living, but we hadn’t met in person until 2011. When I was finally able to introduce myself to him I remember exactly what I saw: I saw a man far younger, taller, and more handsome than I expected.  He looked me up and down and we hugged.  We became Facebook friends, exchanged the occasional business call, then our work life intertwined.

I recently broke up with my ex, who I will always consider the love of my life.  The man I will always think about, the man I am still friends with…. who haunts and delights me all at once.  We parted amicably, but he took so much out of me…I didn’t realize how much of me went silent.  After our break-up I went on holiday, and all off a sudden the woman I had put on a shelf came back to life, and came back with a vengeance.  I got on a plane and as cheesy as it sounds, Vanessa Pinto got her groove back.  I didn’t have sex with anyone on vacation, but I felt alive again, filled with mischief, sexual, and free to be completely me.

David had made it very clear he had a thing for me- the looks, the Facebook stalking, liking all my sexy pictures then texting me much more personal comments.  My favorite was in 2014; I was good friends with a buxom blonde sex worker and we had some good times.  He asked if she was my girlfriend, said he’d like to fuck us both.  He put a lot of effort into letting me know how much he’d like to put his dick in me…. but something told me never to cross the friendship door.  I had known every single one of his interactions with women, ended badly…. one “drove a car off a cliff’ badly.  My largest hesitation was all the baggage I knew about, and if we crossed the line things would just never be the same. And yet, something kept pulling me towards him.

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After my vacation I started messaging with David; I let him know my relationship was done and suddenly the flirty sexual texts began.  We sent pictures to one another, first clean and then dirty.  He spoke of coming to visit, but with his schedule I decided to plan a trip to his city.  A few days before I took off, he sort of freaked out because he’s a neurotic mess of a human being.  So we talked it out…. against my better judgement I agreed to go.  And I put some effort into it, the dress, the hair, the looks I got at the airport, were the best.  David pulls up and I walk towards him.  No smile, no comment on how I looked.  We do an obligatory kiss on the mouth, I get in his car. While driving, he screams in traffic.  We get to his apartment complex, which is cute.  I’ve lived in houses for years, I don’t get apartment life, I just don’t.

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We go in his room, he lays on his bed, wearing jeans and sneakers…I was like wow, thanks for the warm welcome.  He tells me he’s going to take a shower.  I take off my tights and my underwear, he comes out of the shower and I’m on his bed.  The sex- well, it’s a stretch to call it sex- was David’s version of sex. I was hoping that it was the first time blues, that over time it would improve. No such luck. He did this thing, where he kissed me but didn’t.  I know teasing, this was just befuddlement; I tried very hard not to laugh. Then he pulls the ultimate guy move- I have no panties on, we’re grinding, his dick is way close to my pussy without a condom and he whispers “Do you want me to put something on?”  I was like, wow, I know for a fact he’s had VD….so yeah, let me just take that risk. No thanks.

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One of the things I love about sex is that first thrust inside you.  The one that makes you moan and scream, come on ladies you’re with me- that first thrust where you know if you will have to flip over or make accommodations for the nice big cock that is inside you.

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And then there are those troubling times, where you realize they are all the way in and that thrust, that release you were looking for, just simply doesn’t exist.  So I blew him, I do that for selfish reasons- I want him as hard and huge as possible.  But when I could get it all in my mouth and down my throat without choking, I was like, fuck……But then I thought, hands and tongues can have compensating qualities, when used well. Don’t give up yet.

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We’d been having sex for a total of 15 minutes when he looked at me and yelled “Cum for me baby, come on cum for me!” and I’m thinking, no wonder it’s been awhile since you’ve had sex…Jesus Christ.  For the record, my pussy is tight, tighter than average, and I do Pilates.  He kept banging away, not noticing that bored look in my eye.  He stopped, he came, then he got up, got dressed and said, “I’m going to sleep well tonight.”  I, on the other hand, was not. Thank god for Xanax and Netflix on my phone.

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The next day, we both had stuff to do. We met in the evening, I made him a lovely dinner and then he went straight to bed. Why invite me for a fuckfest and then you’re out, I asked.  Saturday was supposed to be our day, he whined. So Saturday we went for a drive.  I asked to stop at a Hindu temple and he took me there, which I thought was sweet until I got out and said, are you coming, to which he replied.  “Nope, you go ahead and take your pictures, I will wait here.” I was like, why the fuck am I here, why did he even initiate this?  It was like watching someone cutting off their nose to spite their face. We then drove to his office where we were supposed to have this really fun sexual experience.  I won’t even bother to describe it…. as it was benign at best.  Then he bent me over his desk and came within seconds.  After that we went home, I cooked him dinner again, which we barely spoke through, and went to bed.

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I left the next morning and pondered the weekend.  I must admit, I was angry, hurt, befuddled… and then the insecure bullshit kicks in: was I not pretty enough?  As soon as that thought entered my mind…I was like, oh fuck you.  No one has the right to make me feel bad. It was really disheartening, because this was someone, I truly liked as a friend.  We had laughed, we went through a lot, and for it to end this way just seemed wrong.

I wrote him an email which basically stated, I think we are better as friends.  I don’t understand why he invited me for this sex-filled weekend that was anything but. I felt unwelcome, unwanted and like he was using every negative way he could to push me away.  His response to my email was the tipping point.  He essentially said, I talked more than any other human being he had ever met.  While it was a lovely quality….it didn’t really work for him.  I was enraged at this because it was a lie; it was a straight up lie.  There was so much silence on this trip, it was insane.  So, of course, I couldn’t let him get away with it.

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I think the best line from the response I sent him was, “You either have no staying power, or you are a selfish lover.  If that’s what sex is to you, I don’t know what to tell you.”  I had quite a few other things to berate him with, but all I wanted was an apology and then things would be cool.  Could he do that, was it possible for him to say, ‘Vanessa, I fucked up I’m sorry, can we still be friends?’

After that email, where I took his asshole and put both fists through it,with no lube, he responded by sending me $300 for my airfare.  I laughed when I got it, because I thought…. money. I make more money than you….and you think this is about money?  I kept the cash but I had to tell him he still didn’t get it.  He eventually apologized and said I was correct, he does have walls, issues, and this trip never could have been a success because he simply wouldn’t allow it to be.

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I write this not out of revenge, I write this for all of the people who have found themselves in this exact situation.  Here is the deal: miserable people, are just miserable people.  David actually told me he had no fear of dying alone because he knew that was his lot in life.  And that just made me sad…. why on earth, would you wish that on yourself?  Why wouldn’t you work on who you are so you can maybe find some patches of happiness?  Believe me, I have had my fair share of trauma; there is a saying- beware of damaged people, for they know they can survive.  I have pushed away many men; maybe this experience was my karma.

 

Over time I’ve realized, if I never let down my walls and allow someone in, regardless of how it ends, then I would be the loser.  My ex taught me that.  People always ask me if I hate him and I say no, I’m grateful for him.  I fell madly, deeply in love with someone; it was wonderful and magical while we lived in that bubble.  Unfortunately, it didn’t work out, but we are still friends, we still love each other. Neither of us saw the purpose of causing the other more pain.  Falling in love had never been part of my life plan; to know it was possible, was the greatest gift I ever received.

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Perhaps, that’s why I write this blog.  David, you’re not a bad man, you are a tortured man who knows how to get better and simply refuses.  You took a good friend (and some of the best sex you could have ever had) and you threw it away.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  May you learn from this just how unnecessary your behavior was. And then maybe you’ll learn how to love, or you’ll die alone.  All I could think about was that Peggy Lee song:”Is that all there is?”  If you want to see how it’s done, watch the January 29, 2016 Watch Vanessa cum 1/29 Sunday Sex Brunch, where you watch a genuine orgasm, that took way more than 10 minutes.  I even got applause.

Check out my next blog, on The Trouble With Lovers.

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Here Is a Surprise …..

When I took a year off, to do everything I wanted to do sexually and then document it.  I did everything from going to sex parties, kink.com Upper Floor Parties.  I saw human beings dressed and foxes and horses; hunt and then fuck each other.  In 2013, I took a break, because I my real life business, took off.  But, every now and again, the writing bug bites me.  I have a blog, that is about to drop, regarding a horrible “romantic”, and I say that with such sarcasm…when you read it, you will understand, why I took my personal life out back onto the web.

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As chance would have it, the only good thing that came of that weekend, of tortuous hell, with sex that was so bad….I almost laughed, thinking he was kidding at first.  You will read about that more soon….I recently went to the Armory  The Upper Floor and participated in the Sunday Sex Brunch.  I have been to this brunch many times….but this was by far, the most I have ever participated.  There was some very sex ladies, who did a lot to me.  So, for all of you, who have ever wondered what it’s like, when I really have some fun…this is the Me at Sexy Brunch.  The one I am in, and my scenes are in the beginning, during brunch, but I would recommend watching all of it….as this was by far the sexiest brunch I’ve ever seen.  I popped my filming cherry…..have fun Sunday Sex Brunch.

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It was the best brunch, I have ever attended. Ad it’s the brunch labeled 1/29/16…..it’s a good one

Back Soon,

San Francisco’s Slutty blogger

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Craigslist Casual Encounters – Where you can ask for anything you want sexually…True Story

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Ahhhhhh, Craigslist… that wonderful website you can use to find a place to live, household furniture, jobs, and a casual sex partner.  A friend of mine we will call Julia allowed me to share her last casual encounter; no matter what you think, trolling for meaningless sex with a stranger requires a certain amount of courtesy and manners.

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Julia’s story is a great example of the do’s and dont’s of appropriate no-strings-attached fucking. Julia was never the settling down type, so I knew she was serious about the man in her life when she said: “This is the one I’m going to marry.” At this point, Rob and Julia were discussing having a relationship; no decisions had been made, and they were still temporarily able to sleep with whomever they felt like.  Rob was leaving on business and they put a pin on this discussion until he came back.  About five days into his absence, Julia told me she’d had an incredibly sexual dream.  One of those dreams that is so fucking hot, you wake up turned on.  “Vanessa, I don’t remember the exact details of the dream, just that I was writhing in ecstasy, with this beautiful man that wasn’t Rob,” Julia said.

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Once Julia woke up and realized it was a dream, it dawned on her that her footloose and fancy free days were going to be a thing of the past, very soon.  “I just started to think, ‘oh my God, I can’t have random sex with strangers anymore’ and something came over me.  I grabbed my laptop and I went somewhere I hadn’t been in three years… Craigslist Casual Encounters,” Julia said.

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Craigslist Casual Encounters is a place you can visit online when you feel like getting fucked without all the bullshit hassle.  There is nothing quite like fucking a stranger: someone who doesn’t know you, doesn’t care to know you, and won’t judge you, while you proceed to have some of the dirtiest, nastiest, most satisfying sex possible.

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Julia began scanning the ads; the majority of them contained a dick pic and a few sentences.  “I had forgotten how atrocious some of these ads are:  ‘looking for cum slut,’ ‘let me jerk off on your face’, ‘daddy looking for college girl to spoil ad spank,’ ‘want to be my dirty little pain slut.’” Julia kept scrolling, until she found an ad entitled ‘NSA fun.’  In it was a nice paragraph about wanting to have hot sex, with an amazing dick pic attached. Let’s face facts, folks; most women are looking for a nice big cock, whether they admit it or not.

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Julia responded to his ad, and included a pic of herself.  Within a few minutes, she got a response from her casual encounter, whom we will call Dirk Diggler.  Dirk sent her a face pic, which revealed a lovely handsome man.  They began sexting and sending racier pics to one another. Julia told me: “The chemistry was hot even on the phone, so I knew, the sex would probably match.  I told him I wanted to be bad and he said, ‘be bad with me,’ so we set a time. Maybe it was the ease of our texting, but I just knew this was going to be a really good fucking time.” Promptly at 7:30 p.m., Julia’s door bell rang and low and behold, there was Dirk, looking handsome like his photo.

She invited him in and the chemistry was immediately there.  She poured them some wine while they sat on the couch.  This part of the casual encounter is what I call ‘the dance’—in other words, how much small talk do I have to endure, until I’m riding your cock like the pony I never had.  About three minutes into the chit-chat, Julia realized she was playing with a novice to this game.  Dirk said to her: “Isn’t it amazing, we start a conversation on Craigslist and now we are here and we’re going to fuck… Funny how things work out.”  Julia felt like he was saying that to reassure himself that they were indeed going to have sex.  She found him amusing, like a cat finds a mouse amusing.  The small talk continued and he undid his belt dramatically while talking, as if to once again reinforce that he wanted to pull his dick out.

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Julia decided it was best just to take control of the situation, before she got annoyed. She got up to refill his glass and made sure her ass was right in front of his face as she bent over; he took the cue and put his hand up her skirt, caressing her thigh and grabbing her ass with the other hand.  Julia turned around so she could straddle him on the couch. They began to furiously make out while she grinded on him like a well-trained stripper gives a lap dance. Julia led him into the bedroom (with many condoms visible next to the bed) and they were naked in seconds. Julia began to go down on his huge cock: “I wanted to see how much of it I could get in my mouth before I choked.  You know my policy: if a dick is in my mouth, and I’m not crying a little bit, it shouldn’t be in there,” Julia said.

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The condom went on and Dirk began sliding inside her. He was teasing her a bit putting the tip in and taking his time, before he was all the way in: “He’s teasing me with just the tip until I was begging for it, and then he was all the way inside me and Jesus fucking Christ, that thing was no joke.  He pinned my arms down and pounded the shit out of me, just the way I like. I made sounds I hadn’t made in a long time.  He folded me in half and fucked me so hard. I had to have him flip me over, because him on top of me got a bit painful. He flipped me over on all fours; I got on top of him while he pulled my hair and fucked me from every angle possible.  He fucked me for three hours, with breaks in between.  At one point he was pounding on me so hard my head board was slamming against the wall—and it’s antique wood, so I had to put my hand up and grab it, because I didn’t want it to break, but I also didn’t want him to stop.  Once we finished, he rubbed my feet and we both breathed heavily.  Here’s where it get’s interesting. We began to chat and he shared with me how he’s new to the scene, admitting this was his first casual encounter, that he actually went through with,” Julia said.

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Julia indulged his conversation, because she remembered when she was new to the sex-positive community and began experimenting.  Julia and I met at a play party a few years ago and she had been to a number of slutty events.  After a few minutes, Julia had reached her max. It’s like last call at a bar; you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.  She politely ushered him out and he asked her if he could keep in touch.  Everyone says that, but usually you don’t hear from them again.  Two days later, she got a text from Dirk: “Hey, could you email me links to the sexy places you told me about.”

Julia sent him an email with an overwhelming amount of links, hoping that would be the last she heard of him.  Two days later she got a late night text from him, saying he was horny.  She didn’t text back.Then he responded to her email with the links.

This email was amazing, because it was so inappropriate. Upon reading it, one would assume they had been having a love affair for years.  My favorite part (she allowed me and some of our friends to read it, so we could all laugh at Dirk’s expense): “Words escape me as I type because I know our offline conversations are just so much more powerful.”  That’s when both Julia and I threw up in our mouths a little bit, while laughing hysterically.  Julia decided not to be rude, and attempted to get rid of him politely.  This was not the way to go; you give someone a finger and they take the whole hand. Lesson number one, ladies: Don’t respond to someone just to be polite.  We are conditioned as women not to be rude and then we end up interacting with someone only because we don’t want to hurt their feelings.

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He then began to text her and email her regarding his Tinder dates, asking her for advice, while he whined about not getting a kiss from this girl on the first date.  Then he asked Julia how he could fuck more women that he met online. Julia had enough of Dirk at this point, so she sent him a goodbye email stating that she was looking for a one night stand, not a new needy friend who expected her to help him get laid. She is not Dear Abby, for Christ’s sake. Julia blocked him on her phone, and after that email, Dirk finally got the hint.

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 “I got on Craigslist that day to give myself a private bachelorette party.  I knew this carnival ride was closing and I wanted to have one more strange passenger before I shut it down.  I wasn’t looking for a connection; I was looking for cock.  While the sex was great, he almost ruined it by being such a fucking baby about the whole thing,” Julia said.  Take this story as a lesson, folks: casual encounters are just that.  Don’t contact the other party again, unless you absolutely know that’s okay.  Don’t send them ridiculous emails which make it seem like you two are in love—and, here is a thought, don’t act pathetic or creepy.  Thank you Julia for allowing me to share your casual encounter with all of my readers.  It was a great story, so perhaps Dirk served his purpose after all.

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Viva Las Vegas and the AVN/AEE Extravaganza 2014!

Happy New Year, folks!  2014 is certainly off and running.  I finally feel recovered from the holidays and ready to tackle this brand new year.  The AVN Awards and the AEE (Adult Entertainment Expo) are kicking off this week in Las Vegas.  I head to the desert on Thursday to peruse the eclectic booths and see my extended adult family that I have grown accustomed to seeing at this event every year.  The land of adult is never boring and I am sure this year will prove to be just as much a ruckus as years past.

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To all of you heading to Vegas for this event, have a blast and be safe.  I will be reporting on all of my adventures when I return from the desert.  Stay tuned

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Holiday Crime Is Happening

Whatever it is that you celebrate in December, most of us have a holiday of sorts that we are preparing for. If you have gone to the mall, you will notice that it’s filled to the brim with people purchasing gifts at this time of year.

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As I was sitting in my hairdresser’s chair the other day, I began to ponder this season a bit. My hairdresser told me she requested that her family not buy her any more things, as she has so many. She only wanted gifts that she could consume and be done with immediately.

I don’t know about you, but Christmas snuck up on me this year. Most of the people in my life also felt as if 2013 sprinted by and they are rushing to close it out and ring in 2014. Something I have noticed this year more than others is how many of the people in my life have had a theft of some kind at this time of year. One person I know woke up after staying the night at a friend’s, to find that their iPhones, a laptop, and a Bose stereo were gone. Another friend of mine had her car broken into; the thieves didn’t get much, since her neighbors noticed and chased them off with bats.

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But this one really struck home: a friend of mine, who is married with four children, went to bed and accidentally left her car door unlocked. The thief (or thieves) got in and stole the change out of her car – but they also saw her garage door opener, and opened her garage to peer around while she, her husband, and her children slept. Thankfully, they slept through it and no one was hurt, but it got me thinking that this is honestly one of the worst times of the year for crime. ‘Tis the season, as they say.

I realize that as a whole, we are a society plagued by both petty and serious crime, but you have to admit the holidays bring out the theft in people more than other times of year. I saw a news report that a contractor scam is making its way through the East Bay. Men dressed as contractors knock on your door, telling you they are working on your neighbors’ house and they need access to your back yard. You unlock the door and let them in, thinking you are being a polite neighbor, only later to discover that this was just a scam and money and jewelry are missing out of your house.

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I understand that crime happens all throughout the year, but when we are all shopping more than normal and buying things we wouldn’t always buy, the payoff for theft becomes higher than at other times of year.  Other than children and really close friends, I stopped giving Christmas gifts a long time ago. I used to have Christmas parties every year so that I could spend time with the people who I love.

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Then I started celebrating Festivus, because it’s the anti-holiday party filled with grievances, a piñata, and wrestling. This year, the holidays snuck up on me so fast, I’m just making time for certain people while trying to finish out 2013.

Whatever it is that you find yourself celebrating, avoiding, or drinking through at this time of year please be careful out there. Lock your doors, cars, and homes. Keep an eye on your purses and wallets. Just be aware that there are people, who spend this time of year waiting for our busyness and stress to make us a victim of holiday crime. Stay warm and I hope you all have a lovely holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate.

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