Is That All There Is………

In real life, I am an exceptionally private person and there are very few people who know much about me; I recently ended a two-year relationship, which I kept under my hat. I haven’t written a blog about myself in a while…. but never say never. This blog allows me to share the absurdity of my life, mainly my sex life.  So, after much ado, here is my out-of-retirement blog.

We will call this person David.  David and I have known each other for 5 years, to be exact.  We knew each other through many adult shows, since we were both in the business of peddling smut for a living, but we hadn’t met in person until 2011. When I was finally able to introduce myself to him I remember exactly what I saw: I saw a man far younger, taller, and more handsome than I expected.  He looked me up and down and we hugged.  We became Facebook friends, exchanged the occasional business call, then our work life intertwined.

I recently broke up with my ex, who I will always consider the love of my life.  The man I will always think about, the man I am still friends with…. who haunts and delights me all at once.  We parted amicably, but he took so much out of me…I didn’t realize how much of me went silent.  After our break-up I went on holiday, and all off a sudden the woman I had put on a shelf came back to life, and came back with a vengeance.  I got on a plane and as cheesy as it sounds, Vanessa Pinto got her groove back.  I didn’t have sex with anyone on vacation, but I felt alive again, filled with mischief, sexual, and free to be completely me.

David had made it very clear he had a thing for me- the looks, the Facebook stalking, liking all my sexy pictures then texting me much more personal comments.  My favorite was in 2014; I was good friends with a buxom blonde sex worker and we had some good times.  He asked if she was my girlfriend, said he’d like to fuck us both.  He put a lot of effort into letting me know how much he’d like to put his dick in me…. but something told me never to cross the friendship door.  I had known every single one of his interactions with women, ended badly…. one “drove a car off a cliff’ badly.  My largest hesitation was all the baggage I knew about, and if we crossed the line things would just never be the same. And yet, something kept pulling me towards him.


After my vacation I started messaging with David; I let him know my relationship was done and suddenly the flirty sexual texts began.  We sent pictures to one another, first clean and then dirty.  He spoke of coming to visit, but with his schedule I decided to plan a trip to his city.  A few days before I took off, he sort of freaked out because he’s a neurotic mess of a human being.  So we talked it out…. against my better judgement I agreed to go.  And I put some effort into it, the dress, the hair, the looks I got at the airport, were the best.  David pulls up and I walk towards him.  No smile, no comment on how I looked.  We do an obligatory kiss on the mouth, I get in his car. While driving, he screams in traffic.  We get to his apartment complex, which is cute.  I’ve lived in houses for years, I don’t get apartment life, I just don’t.


We go in his room, he lays on his bed, wearing jeans and sneakers…I was like wow, thanks for the warm welcome.  He tells me he’s going to take a shower.  I take off my tights and my underwear, he comes out of the shower and I’m on his bed.  The sex- well, it’s a stretch to call it sex- was David’s version of sex. I was hoping that it was the first time blues, that over time it would improve. No such luck. He did this thing, where he kissed me but didn’t.  I know teasing, this was just befuddlement; I tried very hard not to laugh. Then he pulls the ultimate guy move- I have no panties on, we’re grinding, his dick is way close to my pussy without a condom and he whispers “Do you want me to put something on?”  I was like, wow, I know for a fact he’s had VD….so yeah, let me just take that risk. No thanks.


One of the things I love about sex is that first thrust inside you.  The one that makes you moan and scream, come on ladies you’re with me- that first thrust where you know if you will have to flip over or make accommodations for the nice big cock that is inside you.



And then there are those troubling times, where you realize they are all the way in and that thrust, that release you were looking for, just simply doesn’t exist.  So I blew him, I do that for selfish reasons- I want him as hard and huge as possible.  But when I could get it all in my mouth and down my throat without choking, I was like, fuck……But then I thought, hands and tongues can have compensating qualities, when used well. Don’t give up yet.


We’d been having sex for a total of 15 minutes when he looked at me and yelled “Cum for me baby, come on cum for me!” and I’m thinking, no wonder it’s been awhile since you’ve had sex…Jesus Christ.  For the record, my pussy is tight, tighter than average, and I do Pilates.  He kept banging away, not noticing that bored look in my eye.  He stopped, he came, then he got up, got dressed and said, “I’m going to sleep well tonight.”  I, on the other hand, was not. Thank god for Xanax and Netflix on my phone.


The next day, we both had stuff to do. We met in the evening, I made him a lovely dinner and then he went straight to bed. Why invite me for a fuckfest and then you’re out, I asked.  Saturday was supposed to be our day, he whined. So Saturday we went for a drive.  I asked to stop at a Hindu temple and he took me there, which I thought was sweet until I got out and said, are you coming, to which he replied.  “Nope, you go ahead and take your pictures, I will wait here.” I was like, why the fuck am I here, why did he even initiate this?  It was like watching someone cutting off their nose to spite their face. We then drove to his office where we were supposed to have this really fun sexual experience.  I won’t even bother to describe it…. as it was benign at best.  Then he bent me over his desk and came within seconds.  After that we went home, I cooked him dinner again, which we barely spoke through, and went to bed.


I left the next morning and pondered the weekend.  I must admit, I was angry, hurt, befuddled… and then the insecure bullshit kicks in: was I not pretty enough?  As soon as that thought entered my mind…I was like, oh fuck you.  No one has the right to make me feel bad. It was really disheartening, because this was someone, I truly liked as a friend.  We had laughed, we went through a lot, and for it to end this way just seemed wrong.

I wrote him an email which basically stated, I think we are better as friends.  I don’t understand why he invited me for this sex-filled weekend that was anything but. I felt unwelcome, unwanted and like he was using every negative way he could to push me away.  His response to my email was the tipping point.  He essentially said, I talked more than any other human being he had ever met.  While it was a lovely quality….it didn’t really work for him.  I was enraged at this because it was a lie; it was a straight up lie.  There was so much silence on this trip, it was insane.  So, of course, I couldn’t let him get away with it.


I think the best line from the response I sent him was, “You either have no staying power, or you are a selfish lover.  If that’s what sex is to you, I don’t know what to tell you.”  I had quite a few other things to berate him with, but all I wanted was an apology and then things would be cool.  Could he do that, was it possible for him to say, ‘Vanessa, I fucked up I’m sorry, can we still be friends?’

After that email, where I took his asshole and put both fists through it,with no lube, he responded by sending me $300 for my airfare.  I laughed when I got it, because I thought…. money. I make more money than you….and you think this is about money?  I kept the cash but I had to tell him he still didn’t get it.  He eventually apologized and said I was correct, he does have walls, issues, and this trip never could have been a success because he simply wouldn’t allow it to be.

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I write this not out of revenge, I write this for all of the people who have found themselves in this exact situation.  Here is the deal: miserable people, are just miserable people.  David actually told me he had no fear of dying alone because he knew that was his lot in life.  And that just made me sad…. why on earth, would you wish that on yourself?  Why wouldn’t you work on who you are so you can maybe find some patches of happiness?  Believe me, I have had my fair share of trauma; there is a saying- beware of damaged people, for they know they can survive.  I have pushed away many men; maybe this experience was my karma.


Over time I’ve realized, if I never let down my walls and allow someone in, regardless of how it ends, then I would be the loser.  My ex taught me that.  People always ask me if I hate him and I say no, I’m grateful for him.  I fell madly, deeply in love with someone; it was wonderful and magical while we lived in that bubble.  Unfortunately, it didn’t work out, but we are still friends, we still love each other. Neither of us saw the purpose of causing the other more pain.  Falling in love had never been part of my life plan; to know it was possible, was the greatest gift I ever received.


Perhaps, that’s why I write this blog.  David, you’re not a bad man, you are a tortured man who knows how to get better and simply refuses.  You took a good friend (and some of the best sex you could have ever had) and you threw it away.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  May you learn from this just how unnecessary your behavior was. And then maybe you’ll learn how to love, or you’ll die alone.  All I could think about was that Peggy Lee song:”Is that all there is?”  If you want to see how it’s done, watch the January 29, 2016 Watch Vanessa cum 1/29 Sunday Sex Brunch, where you watch a genuine orgasm, that took way more than 10 minutes.  I even got applause.

If you want me to start blogging again folks, give me a shout.

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Here Is a Surprise …..

When I took a year off, to do everything I wanted to do sexually and then document it.  I did everything from going to sex parties, Upper Floor Parties.  I saw human beings dressed and foxes and horses; hunt and then fuck each other.  In 2013, I took a break, because I my real life business, took off.  But, every now and again, the writing bug bites me.  I have a blog, that is about to drop, regarding a horrible “romantic”, and I say that with such sarcasm…when you read it, you will understand, why I took my personal life out back onto the web.


As chance would have it, the only good thing that came of that weekend, of tortuous hell, with sex that was so bad….I almost laughed, thinking he was kidding at first.  You will read about that more soon….I recently went to the Armory  The Upper Floor and participated in the Sunday Sex Brunch.  I have been to this brunch many times….but this was by far, the most I have ever participated.  There was some very sex ladies, who did a lot to me.  So, for all of you, who have ever wondered what it’s like, when I really have some fun…this is the Me at Sexy Brunch.  The one I am in, and my scenes are in the beginning, during brunch, but I would recommend watching all of it….as this was by far the sexiest brunch I’ve ever seen.  I popped my filming cherry…..have fun Sunday Sex Brunch.

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It was the best brunch, I have ever attended. Ad it’s the brunch labeled 1/29/16…’s a good one

Back Soon,

San Francisco’s Slutty blogger

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Craigslist Casual Encounters – Where you can ask for anything you want sexually…True Story


Ahhhhhh, Craigslist… that wonderful website you can use to find a place to live, household furniture, jobs, and a casual sex partner.  A friend of mine we will call Julia allowed me to share her last casual encounter; no matter what you think, trolling for meaningless sex with a stranger requires a certain amount of courtesy and manners.


Julia’s story is a great example of the do’s and dont’s of appropriate no-strings-attached fucking. Julia was never the settling down type, so I knew she was serious about the man in her life when she said: “This is the one I’m going to marry.” At this point, Rob and Julia were discussing having a relationship; no decisions had been made, and they were still temporarily able to sleep with whomever they felt like.  Rob was leaving on business and they put a pin on this discussion until he came back.  About five days into his absence, Julia told me she’d had an incredibly sexual dream.  One of those dreams that is so fucking hot, you wake up turned on.  “Vanessa, I don’t remember the exact details of the dream, just that I was writhing in ecstasy, with this beautiful man that wasn’t Rob,” Julia said.


Once Julia woke up and realized it was a dream, it dawned on her that her footloose and fancy free days were going to be a thing of the past, very soon.  “I just started to think, ‘oh my God, I can’t have random sex with strangers anymore’ and something came over me.  I grabbed my laptop and I went somewhere I hadn’t been in three years… Craigslist Casual Encounters,” Julia said.


Craigslist Casual Encounters is a place you can visit online when you feel like getting fucked without all the bullshit hassle.  There is nothing quite like fucking a stranger: someone who doesn’t know you, doesn’t care to know you, and won’t judge you, while you proceed to have some of the dirtiest, nastiest, most satisfying sex possible.


Julia began scanning the ads; the majority of them contained a dick pic and a few sentences.  “I had forgotten how atrocious some of these ads are:  ‘looking for cum slut,’ ‘let me jerk off on your face’, ‘daddy looking for college girl to spoil ad spank,’ ‘want to be my dirty little pain slut.’” Julia kept scrolling, until she found an ad entitled ‘NSA fun.’  In it was a nice paragraph about wanting to have hot sex, with an amazing dick pic attached. Let’s face facts, folks; most women are looking for a nice big cock, whether they admit it or not.


Julia responded to his ad, and included a pic of herself.  Within a few minutes, she got a response from her casual encounter, whom we will call Dirk Diggler.  Dirk sent her a face pic, which revealed a lovely handsome man.  They began sexting and sending racier pics to one another. Julia told me: “The chemistry was hot even on the phone, so I knew, the sex would probably match.  I told him I wanted to be bad and he said, ‘be bad with me,’ so we set a time. Maybe it was the ease of our texting, but I just knew this was going to be a really good fucking time.” Promptly at 7:30 p.m., Julia’s door bell rang and low and behold, there was Dirk, looking handsome like his photo.

She invited him in and the chemistry was immediately there.  She poured them some wine while they sat on the couch.  This part of the casual encounter is what I call ‘the dance’—in other words, how much small talk do I have to endure, until I’m riding your cock like the pony I never had.  About three minutes into the chit-chat, Julia realized she was playing with a novice to this game.  Dirk said to her: “Isn’t it amazing, we start a conversation on Craigslist and now we are here and we’re going to fuck… Funny how things work out.”  Julia felt like he was saying that to reassure himself that they were indeed going to have sex.  She found him amusing, like a cat finds a mouse amusing.  The small talk continued and he undid his belt dramatically while talking, as if to once again reinforce that he wanted to pull his dick out.


Julia decided it was best just to take control of the situation, before she got annoyed. She got up to refill his glass and made sure her ass was right in front of his face as she bent over; he took the cue and put his hand up her skirt, caressing her thigh and grabbing her ass with the other hand.  Julia turned around so she could straddle him on the couch. They began to furiously make out while she grinded on him like a well-trained stripper gives a lap dance. Julia led him into the bedroom (with many condoms visible next to the bed) and they were naked in seconds. Julia began to go down on his huge cock: “I wanted to see how much of it I could get in my mouth before I choked.  You know my policy: if a dick is in my mouth, and I’m not crying a little bit, it shouldn’t be in there,” Julia said.


The condom went on and Dirk began sliding inside her. He was teasing her a bit putting the tip in and taking his time, before he was all the way in: “He’s teasing me with just the tip until I was begging for it, and then he was all the way inside me and Jesus fucking Christ, that thing was no joke.  He pinned my arms down and pounded the shit out of me, just the way I like. I made sounds I hadn’t made in a long time.  He folded me in half and fucked me so hard. I had to have him flip me over, because him on top of me got a bit painful. He flipped me over on all fours; I got on top of him while he pulled my hair and fucked me from every angle possible.  He fucked me for three hours, with breaks in between.  At one point he was pounding on me so hard my head board was slamming against the wall—and it’s antique wood, so I had to put my hand up and grab it, because I didn’t want it to break, but I also didn’t want him to stop.  Once we finished, he rubbed my feet and we both breathed heavily.  Here’s where it get’s interesting. We began to chat and he shared with me how he’s new to the scene, admitting this was his first casual encounter, that he actually went through with,” Julia said.

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Julia indulged his conversation, because she remembered when she was new to the sex-positive community and began experimenting.  Julia and I met at a play party a few years ago and she had been to a number of slutty events.  After a few minutes, Julia had reached her max. It’s like last call at a bar; you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.  She politely ushered him out and he asked her if he could keep in touch.  Everyone says that, but usually you don’t hear from them again.  Two days later, she got a text from Dirk: “Hey, could you email me links to the sexy places you told me about.”

Julia sent him an email with an overwhelming amount of links, hoping that would be the last she heard of him.  Two days later she got a late night text from him, saying he was horny.  She didn’t text back.Then he responded to her email with the links.

This email was amazing, because it was so inappropriate. Upon reading it, one would assume they had been having a love affair for years.  My favorite part (she allowed me and some of our friends to read it, so we could all laugh at Dirk’s expense): “Words escape me as I type because I know our offline conversations are just so much more powerful.”  That’s when both Julia and I threw up in our mouths a little bit, while laughing hysterically.  Julia decided not to be rude, and attempted to get rid of him politely.  This was not the way to go; you give someone a finger and they take the whole hand. Lesson number one, ladies: Don’t respond to someone just to be polite.  We are conditioned as women not to be rude and then we end up interacting with someone only because we don’t want to hurt their feelings.


He then began to text her and email her regarding his Tinder dates, asking her for advice, while he whined about not getting a kiss from this girl on the first date.  Then he asked Julia how he could fuck more women that he met online. Julia had enough of Dirk at this point, so she sent him a goodbye email stating that she was looking for a one night stand, not a new needy friend who expected her to help him get laid. She is not Dear Abby, for Christ’s sake. Julia blocked him on her phone, and after that email, Dirk finally got the hint.


 “I got on Craigslist that day to give myself a private bachelorette party.  I knew this carnival ride was closing and I wanted to have one more strange passenger before I shut it down.  I wasn’t looking for a connection; I was looking for cock.  While the sex was great, he almost ruined it by being such a fucking baby about the whole thing,” Julia said.  Take this story as a lesson, folks: casual encounters are just that.  Don’t contact the other party again, unless you absolutely know that’s okay.  Don’t send them ridiculous emails which make it seem like you two are in love—and, here is a thought, don’t act pathetic or creepy.  Thank you Julia for allowing me to share your casual encounter with all of my readers.  It was a great story, so perhaps Dirk served his purpose after all.

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Viva Las Vegas and the AVN/AEE Extravaganza 2014!

Happy New Year, folks!  2014 is certainly off and running.  I finally feel recovered from the holidays and ready to tackle this brand new year.  The AVN Awards and the AEE (Adult Entertainment Expo) are kicking off this week in Las Vegas.  I head to the desert on Thursday to peruse the eclectic booths and see my extended adult family that I have grown accustomed to seeing at this event every year.  The land of adult is never boring and I am sure this year will prove to be just as much a ruckus as years past.


To all of you heading to Vegas for this event, have a blast and be safe.  I will be reporting on all of my adventures when I return from the desert.  Stay tuned

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Holiday Crime Is Happening

Whatever it is that you celebrate in December, most of us have a holiday of sorts that we are preparing for. If you have gone to the mall, you will notice that it’s filled to the brim with people purchasing gifts at this time of year.


As I was sitting in my hairdresser’s chair the other day, I began to ponder this season a bit. My hairdresser told me she requested that her family not buy her any more things, as she has so many. She only wanted gifts that she could consume and be done with immediately.

I don’t know about you, but Christmas snuck up on me this year. Most of the people in my life also felt as if 2013 sprinted by and they are rushing to close it out and ring in 2014. Something I have noticed this year more than others is how many of the people in my life have had a theft of some kind at this time of year. One person I know woke up after staying the night at a friend’s, to find that their iPhones, a laptop, and a Bose stereo were gone. Another friend of mine had her car broken into; the thieves didn’t get much, since her neighbors noticed and chased them off with bats.


But this one really struck home: a friend of mine, who is married with four children, went to bed and accidentally left her car door unlocked. The thief (or thieves) got in and stole the change out of her car – but they also saw her garage door opener, and opened her garage to peer around while she, her husband, and her children slept. Thankfully, they slept through it and no one was hurt, but it got me thinking that this is honestly one of the worst times of the year for crime. ‘Tis the season, as they say.

I realize that as a whole, we are a society plagued by both petty and serious crime, but you have to admit the holidays bring out the theft in people more than other times of year. I saw a news report that a contractor scam is making its way through the East Bay. Men dressed as contractors knock on your door, telling you they are working on your neighbors’ house and they need access to your back yard. You unlock the door and let them in, thinking you are being a polite neighbor, only later to discover that this was just a scam and money and jewelry are missing out of your house.



I understand that crime happens all throughout the year, but when we are all shopping more than normal and buying things we wouldn’t always buy, the payoff for theft becomes higher than at other times of year.  Other than children and really close friends, I stopped giving Christmas gifts a long time ago. I used to have Christmas parties every year so that I could spend time with the people who I love.


Then I started celebrating Festivus, because it’s the anti-holiday party filled with grievances, a piñata, and wrestling. This year, the holidays snuck up on me so fast, I’m just making time for certain people while trying to finish out 2013.

Whatever it is that you find yourself celebrating, avoiding, or drinking through at this time of year please be careful out there. Lock your doors, cars, and homes. Keep an eye on your purses and wallets. Just be aware that there are people, who spend this time of year waiting for our busyness and stress to make us a victim of holiday crime. Stay warm and I hope you all have a lovely holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate.


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Closed For The Holidays!!!

Hello folks.  The end of this year is not filled with as much writing as I would like.  Let’s face it, the month of December is made up of holiday parties, closing out the business year; while we all sprint towards the New Year. You may not get much writing out of me, as I close out 2013.  Don’t worry, I already have a host of topics for the rest of 2014.   May you all survive the last few weeks of this year and may 2014 bring many new adventures for us all.


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Margaret Cho: An Original San Francisco Treat

There’s too many things happening in the world right now that aren’t funny: our federal government is shut down, the economy is still struggling…have you seen the price of a 1 bedroom in the city of San Francisco? We need a release; people need to laugh, to escape and to have a pleasant distraction.

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Watching stand up comedy live, when done right, is an incredible experience for the human spirit. A comic can transcend our immediate situation and provide a perfect diversion from the things swirling around us. In late September while traveling in Nashville, I saw that Margaret Cho was on tour again with her new show called, ‘Mother’. Cho is a comedian I have loved for years and I was missing San Francisco…I knew seeing Cho’s new show could fix that problem.

Margaret Cho Photo By Austin Young

Margaret Cho Photo By Austin Young

Cho is a San Francisco native, though she now resides between Los Angeles and Atlanta throughout the year. Cho was born and raised in San Francisco during the late 70’s and the city influenced her perspective in a big way. Her parents ran a bookstore called Paperbook Traffic in the city, where Cho’s mom taught her about gay people, using a book in their very own store. The story started with her saying, “Sometimes men love each other so much, I mean…so much, so much…”, in a thick Korean accent, imitating her mother. Her mother is a regular part of her routine and you can tell that the relationship is a source of how Cho moves through the world.

Zanies Nashville

Zanies Nashville

The show I caught in Nashville was at comedy landmark, Zanies. The very funny Jim Short was Cho’s opener and phenomenal. His set was perfect; he had the entire audience laughing from start to finish. (Short and Cho also have a podcast called, “Monsters of Talk“, which is entertaining and hilarious.) Short set the tone for the evening; by the time he introduced Cho, people were primed and wanted more.

Jim Short

Jim Short

When Cho appears on stage, she is immediately funny and approachable all at once. She shared about where she is in her life now, how she’s thinking about having children, her age and how her body has changed. She discussed being bisexual and how her relationships with men and women look.  As her set progressed, you find yourself laughing harder and harder and you also feel like you just had a conversation with an old friend. Everything Cho communicates during her set is the perfect blend of funny and vulnerable. Most people believe that all comics are tortured; Margaret Cho is real, all too human (in the best way) and more so, engaging. To say she was gracious towards those attending is an understatement. Audience members sent her drinks, she shared every one, involved many in discussions and held the audience’s attention lovingly from the moment she set foot on her platform.

Margaret Cho Photo by Lyndsey Byrnes

Margaret Cho Photo by Lyndsey Byrnes

Seeing Cho was a treat; she is a feature role on the Lifetime series, Drop Dead Diva, that is incredibly popular, she continues to write, perform and do film work. She is a busy woman, so this tour feels like an extra gift for her fans.

Cho’s set didn’t disappoint in any way, shape or form. Cho brought her A game and I was delighted that I finally got to see her live. Mother is coming to San Francisco on October 12th at the Nob Hill Masonic Center. Get tickets while you can as she tends to sell out.

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