This Week…

Hello! It’s officially Summer in San Francisco – talk about some incredible weather right now. Waking up to a sunny sky and people walking around in shorts and flip-flops, is rare, so I notice the city has an even bigger skip in it’s step. The last few weeks have been ridiculously busy but great. Here’s the latest:

On April 19th, Playboy TV’s lovely hostess, Reby Sky interviewed me at the Diva Hotel, in the Perrier Bubble lounge. We talked about my career, sexy San Francisco, writing and sex in general.  As soon as I receive the link, you will all be able to see what our conversation consisted of.  At times, it still astounds me that people are interested, in what is part of my life, but it was a lot of fun and I look forward to seeing what Playboy captured in regards to our city.

They also filmed Midori teaching how to eat a peach (where are you when we needed you, Peach Truck??!). The always entertaining Broke Ass Stuart was featured in Golden Gate Park and they visited with Carol Queen about ‘female hysteria’ while touring The Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations on Polk Street.  We are an interesting city to say the least and I grow more in love with SF, as time goes by.

Tonight, I attend a special event at The Center For Sex & Culture for a long-awaited art show entitled Project #9. Project #9 is a collaboration of music, spoken word and visuals by Steven Johnson Leyba and Marly Preston. Leyba was the last Satanic Priest ordained by Anton Lavey and he is an incredible artist. Dinner with Leyba and Preston earlier this week discussing art, politics, culture, religion, philosophy and Project #9 still has my mind blown.  It was a hell of a dinner and everyone agreed, one of the best we have all had in a long time.

How many times have you heard someone say, “Can’t we talk about something nice?”.  Our conversation was anything but polite and none of us shied away from topics that appear taboo, which was refreshing. I won’t give too much away, because the full interview is coming soon on Huffington Post. It had been a long time since I had been surrounded by two people who are true artists, who live, breathe and will die doing their art.

If you want to see something truly unique, join us tonight at The Center For Sex & Culture to witness Preston and Leyba performing Project #9 at 7:30 pm.  I still have much more to report on; the year is young and so am I!  Stay tuned and remember, you can always catch all of my recent articles on my author page

Best,

Vanessa L. Pinto

Inspiration…How Are You Inspired?

How is it already mid-April??!  Research and travel for my book has been keeping me busy and Playboy TV and I have a date this week – I am very excited about both. Once it airs, I will let you know when you can catch it.

Lately, I’m finding myself at a cross roads, with my writing and my life in general.  As trite as it may sound, have you ever woken up one morning to realize how different your life has become, without you being fully aware of it until then? Some days, I don’t fully recognize the person in the mirror. I don’t feel the same about a lot of things lately; as a result, I have been pursuing some new adventures, that I hope will bring a new awareness and direction for myself and my audience.

You will have a lot to read about soon, because adventure happens! My first year of writing was all about sex: my sex life, the sex life of others and sex in general. The second year was about sex positivity with reviews of parties, plays and different events in the city we all love. This year is about people and asking those I encounter, why we do the things that we do. I have developed a huge interest in people’s stories and sharing their voices. You’ll be introduced to people who are as different as anyone can be from one another, but with an undercurrent of what is motivating them and why they are following their heart (personally and professionally). You and I will be traveling some interesting roads, beginning next week:

Jessica Drake, a fascinating adult performer who has created a brand for herself while remaining true to her original vision.  The Peach Truck, found in the heart of the South, this is a charming story with some of the nicest people anyone could ever hope to meet.

Thistle Farms, an extension of a program partnering with women who have survived addiction, trafficking, homelessness and more.  People of the Second Chance, an online movement with growing momentum that focuses on the belief and practice of Grace and Jeremy Cowart, celebrity photographer and humanitarian. He has contributed to a book which is best described as inspirational and for some of you, will be controversial.

More than ever before, I have noticed that people long to be inspired. Our facebook walls are covered with inspirational quotes, as are our twitter feeds. People seem to constantly want to be inspired, comforted or even consoled by the remarkable words or deeds of another but, what if those words come from the Bible?

*****

San Francisco is the perfect place to be when it comes to inspiration – world-class art museums and artists, the ocean, the entertainment – it’s hard to not be inspired walking around this city.  One of the beautiful things about San Francisco is that we are encouraged to be who we believe we are: gay, straight, kinky, poly, artistic, a hipster, a techie…but the one thing we are not encouraged to be in San Francisco is religious, from a traditional Judaeo Christian standpoint.

I find it fascinating that in a city as free as San Francisco, church, synagogue and practicing as a Believer in a traditional form of religion and/or God is not a subject people bring up often or at all. In the most enlightened and compassionate circles, you are deemed less than, weak, hateful or ignorant because you need God to believe in.

While in the South doing research for my book, one of the things that made headlines and the news was the opening of a new campus of a church called CrossPoint. What I found interesting was that every news truck was there to cover it -ABC, CBS, NBC and more. I was intrigued to see a church of all things, be such big news. But again, I come from San Francisco, where the only church you read about is Glide during the holiday season.

In an unusual set of circumstances, I was invited to and accepted an invitation by CrossPoint to attend their first Sunday service of church at their new campus, located in the heart of Nashville. I go to a lot of events and openings, so why is it that it felt so strange to attend one that has to do with God? I got up early on a Sunday and did something I hadn’t done in many years. I went to church.

When I arrived, I was shocked by how many people show up for church in the South. It was raining and snowing, but the parking lot was overflowing with cars. When I walked into the church, they had a children’s area, a book store, coffee and cafe seating set up along with the platform in the sanctuary. There was singing and screens so people could see easier. The first thing I noticed was the age of the attendees, ranging from early 20’s to 70’s, all visiting with one another. There was a huge population of gay parishioners and people of every color. CrossPoint clearly welcomes all attendees – they’ve even been picketed by Westboro Baptist Church – and those attending were waiting to hear from Senior Pastor, Pete Wilson.

On this Sunday before Easter, he had an interesting sermon. It wasn’t filled with promises of fire and brimstone for those who were not believers; it was simply a message filled with hope and the acceptance that life is not always within our control and that while that can be difficult, it can also be something one can become comfortable with. I kept waiting for some tone of hatred and fear or a pitch for cash, but none came.

Due to my experience with religion as a child, I assumed that all religion has a hell or terrible after life that you will go to if you don’t believe..that if you didn’t conform to a particular mold, you weren’t welcome and that God was cruelly judgmental and vengeful. None of what happened when I was a child happened on this day.

However, here is what did happen: I realized I was guilty of what most people are when it comes to church and people of faith: judging those who believe and the places without really giving it a fair chance.

It’s funny. We live in a city where we are encouraged to try everything out, but God or religion is definitely not one of them. Practicing Christians and Jews are the minority here, spiritually. And that said, once I let my own pre-conceived notions about church go and allowed the hour to unfold, it was all very normal and nice. I met some of the people who work at CrossPoint, families who call it home and people who have retained their identity while still attending church.

When I returned to SF and told many of my friends and colleagues about this, some of them told me something interesting after. I found out several people I know attend church or have attended church but almost all of them do this very privately. Funny, right? Proud kinksters, working professionals, students – people across the board and of a mixed demographic, with a secret spiritual life, looked at their church attending as a secret. They all explained how they are not ashamed of their beliefs, but are cautious of how others will treat them. Religion is a triggering subject for people and so is the topic of their being a God, once again, in the traditional Judaeo – Christian sense.

So many people have used the name of God and Jesus to enforce hatred and ignorance, that I understand why people, including myself, are suspect of anything religious. But, at the same time, if we are taught to be respectful of BDSM on a Sunday morning when Folsom Street Fair comes around every year, and some people call that their church, can’t we accept that not everyone who loves God or Jesus belongs to Westboro Baptist Church and is filled with hate?

This adventure, in the midst of a week of research, made me think for all of my open-mindedness, this is one topic I have definitely had a closed mind on for many years. I am still very private when it comes to what I believe or don’t believe, when it comes to God and Jesus; this experience made me want to not always assume that if you come from a position of faith, it doesn’t automatically make you anything, except a Believer. In a world where so many people search desperately for something to believe in, how can I or anyone judge someone harshly for simply having faith? Stay tuned. So much more is happening – this is the tip of the iceberg and none of us are going to be the titanic.

Best,

Vanessa L. Pinto

 

The Birthday Blog…

March is my birthday month and I’m turning 35. Getting older is a funny sort of thing and at times it sneaks up on you – at least that’s how this birthday is feeling. One of the things I’m spending time on is why I do the things I do – personally, professionally and relationally. Getting older has made me reflective and while some things are difficult to reflect on, I am enjoying the process.

Most people don’t know that when I am not writing, I lead another life as a paralegal, so I apologize if my blogs and articles seem slow to arrive at times. Adding to that, is my focus on my first book; this will be the year it sees the light of day and it also means a year filled with research and interviews.

2013 continues to be about change and fearless living more than ever for me – and that goes for what I write as well. Soon, you will begin to notice that my topics will have a much different range than you may be accustomed to. I will *always* think that the topic of sex is important and I will always report on it in some capacity. However, after a series of events over the last year, my focus on the world has changed.

Initially, I wanted to be a lawyer because I have a desire to make the world a better place and at the time, a career in law made sense. That may sound naive, but it’s true. A lesson I learned over the last year is best summed up by a friend: There’s a difference between justice and the law.

Because of the writing platform I have been given, I hope to help others in a different way. Many of us, myself included, pick our battles and things don’t change unless we force it to at times. With that said, beginning in April, my hope and goal is to inform and challenge you as well as myself on topics that impact every part of our life, our city and our world. Some will still be sexual in topic and others…you’ll just have to read it and let me know.

 ***

Some of you have asked me why the slutty blogger is ‘different lately’. The simple answer is because I’m not The Slutty Blogger anymore. That identity became something I never planned on in the long-term, but has created more than I can believe in mostly good ways and in a few interesting experiences.

What I discover as I write more and more, is that I find people fascinating and their personal stories are even more powerful. I believe that we learn about ourselves, by observing what is around us; when people are willing to share their stories it impacts people in a powerful way.

You’re invited to stay with me and I promise that this year, my writing will be honest, at times uncomfortable to sit with and it may even come in waves, but it will always be here, just different in some ways.

The next few months have some exciting things in store for me. Playboy TV is doing a travel show on sexy cities and San Francisco was one of the cities chosen and Playboy TV contacted me! They found me because of my Sexy Circus and because of you, my readers. They’ll also be talking to Midori, January Seraph and Broke Ass Stuart while here in San Francisco. I’m very happy and honored to be chosen for this project and I look forward to representing this fine city. I’ll also be doing a fair bit of traveling to places I never thought I would be in, doing research for future articles and for my book, with people I would not have guessed I would ever know or have an audience with – again, all because of you, my readers.

This will be my last blog until April – I have work to do and a birthday to celebrate! And, to remind you all that I’m still on the sex positive beat, an article on Jessica Drake and her instructional sex videos will drop soon. Stay tuned!

Muah,

Vanessa L. Pinto

 

Do You Love San Francisco? Tell Me Why and be on TV….

One of the best things about what I do are the amazing opportunities and interesting people that come my way.
This is one of the times I get to share with you, my friends and readers
I am not at liberty to disclose what media outlet this is for, but….
Please tell me in 100 words or less why you LOVE San Francisco. Whether it’s sweet, funny, sexy, cool or a mix of all of those, I want to hear it.
I will be selecting 5 finalists and the winner will be featured with me, sharing your story to be taped and viewed this year, by a well known media outlet with a global audience.
Send your stories of why you LOVE San Francisco to fleurdelissf@gmail.com no later than Saturday, March 9th at noon.  Good Luck!

 

The Past Helps us to Understand the Present…

Thirteen years ago, I lived in Costa Rica for several months, working for my brother’s company and taking in the sights. As part of the culture in Costa Rica, sex and sexuality is embraced and people are encouraged to explore it. Prostitution is legal and popular. While living there, I was told that prostitution was, “…very safe, all the girls are 18 and there of their own free will.”  Costa Rica is an impoverished nation and this was and still is how many women support themselves and their families when they didn’t have an education, or the ability to get an education.

Thirteen years ago, I knew little about human trafficking, child exploitation or sex work. I nodded my head in complicity when I was told these things. It has always been a belief for me that prostitution should be legalized everywhere, after all, these are consenting adults, what’s the harm?

*****

Recently, I began to look at a personal experience  that happened in Costa Rica with new eyes. One of the most famous brothels in Costa Rica is The Hotel Del Rey. The American men who I came into contact with while working in Costa Rica made it a point to visit Hotel Del Rey.

From the time I stepped off the plane and began my stay in Costa Rica, it was abundantly clear that sex tourism involving prostitution was a very popular pastime for visiting Americans. Most of the American and Costa Rican men love to indulge in this part of the culture. As a 20-something American, I was indifferent to it and believed this was all consensual, adult fun – no harm was being done or being reported in the papers or news.

I was always curious about the infamous Del Rey, but whenever I asked about it, I was told that I had no business asking questions and that it was a place that I didn’t need to be concerned with. I am not the type of person who gets dissuaded easily and I was friends with another American woman who was also curious about the Del Rey. We decided to employ the help of the lawyer that handled all of our business and asked him to take us to the brothel.

After some serious persuading, the lawyer told us he was going to take us on an adventure. We piled into a cab and pulled up in front of the Hotel Del Rey. I remember being excited and nervous all at once. I was 22 years old and a brothel was not something I even knew how to picture. When I saw the huge pink building, I realized it was not at all what I expected.

When we walked in, we saw a casino and began to feel as if this was a clever ruse by the lawyer. I looked around and nothing looked out of the ordinary at all; it was predominantly men having a great time drinking and gambling. I looked at our lawyer and told him I wasn’t impressed. He laughed and said he had to go to the restroom and that we should wait for him at the bar. We found our way to the bar, in search of a cocktail and a place to sit down. We ordered drinks and suddenly I realized that this wasn’t an ordinary bar.

The bar was surrounded by attractive, seductively dressed young women and several men who suddenly gave us unwanted attention. My friend and I looked at one another and realized we were being taught a lesson by our lawyer/brothel tour guide. The bar was where you went to solicit sexual services and in a way, he sent us exactly where we asked to go.

We clutched each other and walked quickly to a table, sitting close to one another. We were wide-eyed, realizing that these men thought we could be bought like a pack of cigarettes and suddenly this little adventure of ours didn’t seem so grand. Two men approached, we shooed them away and we clung to one another for protection.  Our attorney came to the table laughing and we told him what a bastard he was for doing this to us…and yes, I realize now more than ever, that we blamed him for what we had asked for.

My friend had to go to the bathroom and she refused to go alone, so we went to the bathroom together. While in the ladies room, I began to look at all the women around me. I started to wonder what an average day for them must be like. I wondered how old some of them were, because they didn’t look 18 to me, especially under those lights.  My friend came out of the stall and we both began to weep about all the young women we saw around us. It wasn’t just in the seeing of what was taking place. There was a distinct feeling in that building that made us uneasy.

We returned to the table sobbing about how privileged we were, how this was not something either of us had ever thought to do because our circumstances were different.  We blamed society, we blamed poverty, we blamed old, wealthy men and tourists looking for underage sex with no morals. The lawyer that brought us said we were ruining his good time, so he put us in a cab and sent us on our way home.

Fast forward more than a decade later: I am living in San Francisco, meeting empowered sex workers and coming to understand that sex work is valid work, that people choose sex work and they have agency. This was a stark contrast to what I saw in Costa Rica. I did not see empowered sex workers in The Del Rey. I will never forget what those girls looked like and I say girls because I believed then and now, that most were girls. The age range at the time looked to be between 15 and 22 in heavy make up and skimpy outfits.

It’s a story I continue to remember for a variety of reasons and I do find it interesting that I am being asked to look at this system again, with fresh eyes. Few things are ever what they seem to be and corruption runs rampant in this world.   I left Costa Rica after a man tried to buy me in a store while I was window shopping. He told me that men like him, “acquire women and take them to Las Vegas and make them stars”. I looked him in the eye and said in Spanish, “Oh really?! Because I am an American.”

When I wrote that story about almost being trafficked in Costa Rica for the Huffington Post, I was contacted by Julie O’Grady on behalf of Maria Fejervary, founder of the non-profit, Salvando Corazones. It is the first safe house for trafficked children in Costa Rica.

During our interview, we discussed how The Del Rey doesn’t make is difficult for girls to work with fake I.D.’s that say they are 18 (the legal age to be a prostitute in Costa Rica), when they are in actuality, between the ages of 13 to 17 years old. These are not the empowered sex workers I know and love and see at events I attend in San Francisco.

I still state for the record, in my opinion, sex work, between two consenting adults, over the age of 18, is something that people should have the right to do; that is not the case for all prostitutes in Costa Rica or elsewhere. One must educate themselves on what machine you are feeding into when in a country like this to buy sex. Aware or unaware, you are supporting a system that lives, breathes and thrives in the sexual exploitation of children.

I look back on my afternoon at the Del Rey much differently than I used to. It’s not just a story I may share when people ask me about Costa Rica. In the last 12 months, it feels like I see the world at large with a new set of eyes.

In a city like San Francisco, filled with sex positive people, sex workers and those who are marginalized because of the work they choose to do, this can a triggering topic. My hope in the coming weeks is that you stay with me and that a respectful and honest dialogue can happen. Most adventures have some bumps in the road. I’m ready and hope you are as well.

Vanessa L. Pinto

 

Valentines Day and All That Nonsense <3

What does Valentines day mean to you?  It’s funny. A few weeks ago, someone asked me why I don’t really get into Valentines Day. I told her, “I am one of the strange few, who have no real like or dislike for this day. I am more or less ambivalent. I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness with no holidays as a child, so I didn’t get to make Valentines and give them out during a class party. My dating life is occasionally not traditional and while I have had wonderful Valentines days, filled with dinner, jewelry and romance I have no real emotion towards it one way or another.”  She was aghast. We discussed it and decided to extend a simple question to some of my friends and examine what Valentines day meant to them. I selected a mixture of men and women, each from very different backgrounds.

A friend of mine who recently got married found herself feeling different about Valentines this year. In the past, Valentines Day was more about the gifts she would receive. Now, it’s about spending time with her husband and enjoying one another’s company, uninterrupted.My friend Pam told me she’s functioning “…well enough being single, enjoying what life has given me. But Valentine’s Day is a perennial reminder of the idealized version of love and coupling, for which, perhaps, I was conditioned into striving.” Conditioned into striving. I find this to be a very interesting statement.  We are conditioned as a society to find that perfect mate and settle down, but if that isn’t your fate, how does Valentines day apply to you?

What I have noticed, is that people tend to find this holiday stressful. There is so much pressure to have a perfect evening together. A female friend of mine, who is in a 3 year relationship, shared with me that she found herself on extra good behavior with her significant other. She is not demanding to begin with, but she said she found herself being, “extra nice”, because she, “didn’t want to chance fighting and breaking up right before Valentines Day.” She thought it would be incredibly sad to have to cancel plans due to a break up. That’s some pressure to put on yourself.

My friend Scott told me: “Everyday should be filled with love and kindness and caring and sexiness. On Valentines Day you get an excuse to take this over the top even further, but it should not be an exception to the norm.”  I liked that he said, it shouldn’t be an exception to the norm; more like the cherry on top of the sundae, that is your relationship.

When I asked my friend Sabrina, she said: “I like the idea of a day devoted to sensuality, sexuality, romance, and love. That said, it could stand to lose the couples’ focus that alienates so many and deemphasizes other types of love and forms of intimacy.”  

Let’s talk about the alienation factor for a moment. My male friend, Monkey said: “I like the sentiment, but it makes single people feel lame.” Whether you are a man or a woman, being single on Valentines Day is at times challenging, because what do you do when your relationship doesn’t fit the typical Valentines day mold, or you’re not seeing anyone at the time?”

Can Valentines Day ever go back to when we were in 3rd grade, when everybody got a Valentine, a cupcake and a feeling of validation?

My friend, Laura, who has been married for almost 5 years, said: “I know there’s a large group of people who say it’s a holiday created for making money and perpetuating manufactured relationship ideals, but for me, it’s about an extra day, set aside, to remind others that they are loved, valued, treasured and to demonstrate it. Hearts and flowers aside, it means I get a reminder that I can shower people with extra love.”

This interpretation is resonating with me the most this year, because it gives everyone an opportunity to take part in this holiday. I’ve decided to embrace Valentines Day 2013. I have plans that are a bit unconventional, but they do include Sangria and loved ones. May you all have a day that suits you and however you embrace love in your life.  Happy Valentines Day to you all.  Stick around, I have much more to share.

Best,

Vanessa L. Pinto

Back From Vegas….Now To Write That Up!

My yearly trip to the AEE/AVN expo has concluded, along with all the business that happens there.  This year, I had a wonderful photographer who helped capture this event and my Associate Editor came along to see what I do when I venture to Vegas for what is lovingly known as, ‘The Porn Awards’.

People ask me what I do when I attend this particular event and the very unsexy answer is simply that I work…I attend to see what is happening in the world of adult for the year and then I bring the highlights to you. This year, I’ll be featuring my time with James Deen, Nate Glass, Dan O’Connell and many more. I also had the opportunity to attend The AVN Awards live and in person this year. The categories are priceless: Best Gang Bang, Best Parody and of course, the entertainment they had for us during the show.

This year there was Tyga and Zumanity, a Cirque De Soleil show, which provided a wonderful performance.  All in all, it is a spectacle and an entertaining one at that.  Now, I can concentrate on the rest of this year and all of the writing I have planned for it.  A few articles will drop this week on Huffington Post and SF Weekly chronicling all of the things I saw in Vegas and all of the things, that I think you will be interested in.

Beyond that, I am focusing on a podcast that will begin later this year, my Sexy Circus that I put on once a year to benefit local San Francisco organizations and a book that I will be spending more time writing.  The month isn’t over and I am working on more than a few articles that I feel are not only entertaining but important.  Stay tuned folks, I have much more to say.

Best,

Vanessa L. Pinto